He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
