I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
