Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
