im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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