So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
