I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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