So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
