Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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