he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
