he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
