Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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