Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
