was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
