sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
