You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
