Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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