And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
