He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
