What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize