Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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