I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
