Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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