I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize