I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
