I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
