Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
