DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize