I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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