I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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