i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
