there's paper in my vomit.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
