So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize