well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
