I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
