I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is Oprah even human
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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