I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
