is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
