I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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