This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
