Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
