Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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