Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
