you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's shark week go big or go home
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
