Cold hands, warm shart.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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