I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
