Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
