umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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