you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
