Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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