i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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