We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
