Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Randomize
