i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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