This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
