At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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