look no pants
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
