Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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