I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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