he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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