If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize