just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
