As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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