i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
