Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
