no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
