I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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