Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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